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BUENOS AIRES – Our first few days in Argentina have been highlighted by friends, food, lack of sleep, and a desperate quest to acquire small change.

Dale and SuperPaola

Dale and SuperPaola

We arrived Sunday morning and took a circuitous taxi ride to the home of my friends Diego and Paola. Paola was my Spanish teacher for a couple of months when I lived here and we became great friends, and she insisted that we stay with her the moment we arrived. One of the highlights of my trip so far was when she greeted us with hot mate. For those of you who don’t know, mate is a tea-like infusion that is served in a small gourd and sipped through a straw made of silver. My father thinks it tastes like hay, but maybe it’s an acquired taste. All I know is that it went great with the big plate of medialunas that Diego put on the table.

I always joked that Paola’s name should be “SuperPaola” because she was such an amazing teacher, so we surprised her by bringing a SuperPaola t-shirt to make it official.  Now she can dress up like a real live superhero.

Drinking wine at a street side cafe

Drinking wine at a street side cafe

As expected the food has been amazing. On our first day here we went into the city with Diego and Paola and Mona had her first lomito, which is basically a steak between two pieces of bread.  More cuisine followed in the form of amazing coffee and medialunas at street side cafes, red wine (malbec!), dulce de leche, and alfajores (sandwich cookies wih dulce de leche). Mona is now addicted to dulce de leche and will need a twelve step program to get off the stuff.

At one point we dropped in at my old Spanish school, Academia Buenos Aires, to say hi to a few friends. Everyone giggled when I introduced Mona, and I remembered that down here she is going by the name “Moni” because “mona” is Spanish for monkey. Basically, I had just introduced her has my friend “Monkey.” Possibly accurate, but funny nonetheless.

We also discovered there is a serious shortage of “monedas” (coins) in Buenos Aires at the moment. Nobody seems to be quite sure why this is the case, but we spend a good part of our day trying to collect small coins and defending them from shopkeepers who want them at every opportunity. It’s not just that coins are nice to have, we ABSOLUTELY NEED THEM to get home on the bus. There are so few coins in circulation that the subway has been running free of charge for days because nobody has coins to pay for tickets. Welcome to Buenos Aires!

Back to Argentina…

SEATTLE – Back to Argentina? What? If you read the last post on this blog you might think I had never left. Of course you might also notice that the last post was well over a year ago. So first let me bring you up to speed on what has happened since that last entry…

I left Buenos Aires and traveled through Brazil, Venezuela, Guyana, Suriname, French Guiana, Colombia, Peru, and Ecuador. I traveled the entire length of the Amazon River by boat (twice!), was arrested in Venezuela, robbed by machine gun-toting bandits in Guyana, had my passport stolen in Peru, and was refused entry to Ecuador on a few occasions.  I eventually made it back to the U.S. where I spent a few months writing a book (still unpublished) and tried to re-adjust to life in North America.  Which more or less brings us up to the present.  Whew!

But I left my heart in Argentina. I’m not quite sure what it is about Argentina that completely drew me in – the crazy mix of Latin American and European culture, the amazing steaks, or the constant consumption of mate – but I fell in love with Argentina. Tomorrow I’m finally headed back for a visit, and this time I’ll be accompanied by my friend Mona.  Our rough plan is to spend a few days in Buenos Aires, head to Patagonia, and drive the remote “Ruta 40″ highway that runs down the eastern side of the Andes.  Who knows where we’re going to end up.  We’ll try to keep you posted!

Señor BurnsBUENOS AIRESDown here in Argentina we get a lot of political news, and just like in the U.S. one of the hot topics is the upcoming presidential election. One candidate in particular is getting a lot of press. You’ll probably figure out pretty quickly who I’m talking about…

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MarielleBUENOS AIRES – This is my friend Marielle. No, not the monkey, the other one. You may have read about her in some of my previous posts, but if not allow me to introduce her.

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BUENOS AIRES — There is a small sign above the elevator in the building where I live in Buenos Aires. Translated from Spanish, it reads as follows:

“There being stairs, management is not responsible for any accidents that occur as a result of using the elevator.”

I guess you can get away with stuff like that when your country isn’t overrun with lawyers.

Moon over Fitz Roy

Moon over Fitz Roy

EL CHALTÉN, ARGENTINA – Patagonia. The word conjures up images of far-off, exotic, fairy-tale lands. Most maps don’t even label Patagonia as a place, lending it an air of mystery. So, just in case you don’t know exactly where Patagonia is, that’s OK.

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EL CALEFATE, ARGENTINA – I have been moving pretty fast lately and haven’t had time to write.  I shall attempt to summarize the last few weeks in just four sentences.

OK, excessively long run-on sentences without punctuation. 

(try not to take a breath as you read…)

After leaving Bolivia I headed south through the Atacama Desert in Chile and met with my pisco-sour-crazed Austrailian friend Nina then crossed the Andes to Mendoza in the heart of Argentina’s wine country where I met Roscoe and Rose from South Africa and we rented bikes and rode around to wineries then ate at a tenedor libre restaurant which is an Argentinian restaurant where they keep bringing you wine and meat until you physically restrain them from bringing more and yes the wine and beef in Argentina are as good as they say.

(quick breath…)

Rose and Roscoe and I had so much fun that we decided to keep going and took a 28-hour bus ride to Bariloche at the heart of Argentina’s lake district which is full of crystal clear blue lakes surrounded by snowcapped mountains and also happens to be the chocolate capital of South America because of all the Swiss heritage and we did a three day trek around the local peaks and it was funny because we had to walk across snow and they don’t have snow in South Africa.

(quick breath…)

I don’t have any photos to show you because I backed them up to DVD and like a complete imbecile accidentally mailed the disk home before I uploaded the photos drat drat and tripple drat I can’t believe I did that.

(I’m about to pass out here…)

Now I’m deep in Patagonia which is kind of a mysterious place but I’m not going to tell you where it is right now so maybe you will need to get out a map but if you’re too lazy I’ll clue you in on the next post.

(whew!)

Got Salt?

Got Salt?

UYUNI, BOLIVIA – Got salt? This is a photo of me standing on top of over 4,000 square miles of salt on the Salar de Uyuni in southwestern Bolivia. What the heck is a salar, you ask?

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Potosi Mine 8POTOSI, BOLIVIA — I struggle along on my hands and knees as the oppressive heat pushes in on me, pausing every few meters to take measured breaths through my mask. Thick dust chokes the air and I am only too aware that it contains particles of silica, asbestos, and arsenic. My world is reduced to the cone of light in front of me, illuminated by the lamp on my hardhat. I have no concept of space or time, only the narrow tunnel I am struggling through. Moments later I emerge into a larger chamber with other moving lights and jump out of the way as two dusty figures push an ore cart past me on seemingly ancient rails. This may sound like some kind of reality theme park, but it’s not. I am deep underground inside the infamous mines of Potosi.

Sitting at an altitude of 4090m (13,400+ feet), Potosi, Bolivia, is generally considered to be the highest city in the world. Yet even with that superlative in its back pocket, Potosi is famous for something far more sinister: mines which have claimed millions of lives over almost five centuries. The city is dominated by the massive, pyramid-shaped Cerro Rico, literally “Rich Mountain,” which serves as a constant reminder of the forces which have shaped its history.

Cerro Rico

Pyramid-shaped Cerro Rico (4800 m, 15,800 ft.) dominates the city of Potosi.

The discovery of large silver deposits under Cerro Rico in 1544 provided the impetus to found the city. At that time Bolivia was part of the Spanish empire, and the Spaniards were quick to exploit the resource. Between 1545 and 1824 up to 45,000 tons of silver were extracted from the mountain, rapidly making Potosi one of the most important cities in the world, with a population surpassing London or Paris. The silver produced here almost single-handedly funded the expansion of the Spanish empire for close to 200 years.

The dark side of history tells a different story. It is estimated that over the past five centuries millions of people, the vast majority indigenous and African slaves, have died working in the mines. It is no accident that Cerro Rico has been nicknamed “The Mountain that Eats Men.”

I have decided that the best way to understand the mines is to experience them in person. My guide, Juan, is only too happy to share the gory details of history with me.

“This mountain is like Swiss cheese,” he tells me. “Miners have been digging tunnels here for hundreds of years and nobody knows where they all are. The whole mountain is being hollowed out; we’re on borrowed time.”

Juan is a short, solid-looking man in his late 30’s, and he knows a lot about Cerro Rico. He should; as a former miner he spent several years working underground alongside many of the same miners I will meet today. During his mining days he earned the nickname “Ocho,” which he tells me means spicy in the local Quechua language, apparently some reflection of his personality.

DynamiteOur first stop after donning mining attire is the miners’ market. This is where Potosi’s miners come to shop, and you can buy everything from dynamite to pure alcohol with the same casualness that most of us would associate with buying a box of Oreo cookies. We step into a small shop and Juan launches into a lesson on explosives.

“We have several types of dynamite to choose from,” he says matter-of-factly, waving several sticks in the air. “The best is from Argentina, but we don’t get much of it anymore. The second best is Bolivian dynamite, and the stuff from Peru is terrible.”

I don’t see the point in asking what makes one nation’s dynamite better than another; I’m still shocked by the fact that I can walk in off the street and buy it, no questions asked. One complete explosive “kit,” which includes a stick of dynamite, blasting cap, three-minute fuse, and a bag of ammonium nitrate fertilizer to enhance the explosion, costs a mere two U.S. dollars.

In addition to explosives we buy bottles of 96% pure alcohol (which the miners drink), bottles of soda, and bags of coca leaves. None of this is actually for us, but to give to the miners as gifts. It’s a kind of ‘thank you’ for letting us crawl through their mine.

Coca Leaves

Stocked with explosives, alcohol, and coca leaves, we head off to our next stop. It occurs to me that what I am carrying would probably land me ten years in prison back home.

A few minutes later we pull up in front of an ore processing facility. It is surrounded by garbage – in fact, it looks like a dump – and as we approach I am hit with a strong chemical odor. Ore processing employs many toxic substances including various acids as well as cyanide. Additionally, byproducts such as lead, mercury, cadmium, and arsenic are abundant. Yet from what I can see none of the workers are wearing any protective equipment.

Ore Processing FacilityEntering the plant there are piles of semi-processed sludge sitting on a concrete slab by the door; who knows what it contains. Inside it is almost impossible to hear over the industrial machinery. Large tanks of frothy brown liquid are being stirred by enormous paddles, the contents separated into troughs. Juan reaches into one of the troughs with a small pan and lifts out a bit of the foamy brown soup. Like a prospector panning for gold he swirls it around while rinsing the contents with clean water. A minute or two later there are a few tiny flecks of pure silver resting at the bottom.

Panning for Silver

A bit further on I encounter open tanks of liquid with a strange smell. It is cyanide. Metal wheels rotate through the tanks, and small thimble-sized cups attached to the sides are transferring liquid cyanide into plastic funnels along one side of the tank. Some of the cups have broken off the wheel; an industrious person has jury-rigged a fix by attaching lids from soda bottles in their place.

Liquid Cyanide

Open tanks of liquid cyanide.

Juan explains that the average life expectancy of the people who work in these facilities is about 45 years of age. They work 12-hour shifts, seven days a week, and the constant exposure to chemicals – particularly cyanide – takes its toll. Why do they do it? Money. A worker in one of these plants can earn 1200 Bolivianos (about $150) per week. By comparison, he says, a teacher may earn around 300 Bolivianos per week.

And what happens to all the chemical waste? Well, nothing really. It’s mostly dumped into the nearby river, helping Potosi earn a reputation as one of the most polluted cities in the world. The waste eventually makes its way downstream to Paraguay and Brazil.

The most shocking thing is that of the roughly 35 processing facilities here, almost none of them are Bolivian-owned. According to Juan, most of the plants are owned by Canadian companies.

“These companies, they are really terrible,” he laments. “They pollute our rivers and poison our people. But the thing is, they provide something we really need. Jobs. Jobs that pay well. And the government is just as bad, because they don’t do anything about the problems.”

And that’s how it’s been for about 500 years.

Potosi Mine 5Back in the truck, we continue our trip up the slopes of Cerro Rico, passing debris piles left by generations of miners as Juan explains a bit about the mining business.

When the mines first opened minerals were selectively extracted based on value. First came silver, and later metals such as tin and zinc. As the mines became less productive over the centuries, miners became less selective about what they brought out. Now they just remove everything and let the processing facilities sort out the minerals.

According to Juan, this shift in mining technique has only accelerated deteriorating conditions.

“We are literally hollowing out the mountain,” he explains. “A while back Cerro Rico was evaluated by a group of American mining engineers. They concluded that within seven years the entire mountain had the potential to collapse on itself. That was eleven years ago. Hopefully it won’t happen today.”

Juan tells me that about 50 years ago miners began organizing into cooperatives in an effort to benefit more directly from their own labor. On average, these cooperatives have about 300 members, and only by working as a ‘helper’ for many years can one gain membership. There are hundreds of active mines under Cerro Rico, each operated by a different cooperative.

Candelaria MineWe reach the entrance to the Candelaria Mine, one of the hundreds of mines currently operating underneath Cerro Rico. The entrance is littered with debris and a couple of ore carts lie on their sides; metal tracks half-buried in the mud extend from the low tunnel entrance.

Feeling a last-second twinge of fear, I ask Juan how carefully the mine has been constructed. His response is anything but reassuring.

“This isn’t like a mine where you come from. We have no engineers, no geologists, or hydrologists. If someone wants to dig a tunnel, they dig it. There are no rules.”

Potosi Mine 3Upon first entering the mine it doesn’t seem so bad after all. A string of incandescent lights extends down the tunnel, and plastic pipes run along one wall. About every ten meters there is an audible hiss coming from the pipes where fresh air is delivered from the outside world. I briefly have to remind myself that this is not a Disneyland tour, but one of the most dangerous mines in the world.

“Don’t touch any of the wires. You’ll get electrocuted,” Juan says matter-of-factly.

Any illusion that this trip will be easy disappears about 100 meters into the shaft. The lights disappear, the tunnel roof lowers, and my hard hat is the only thing that keeps me from injuring my head on the rock above. Finding myself in a cloud of grey dust I realize that my mask is still around my neck; I quickly pull it over my face, wondering if I have already inhaled something toxic.

Potosi Mine 1

As we descend into the Earth the temperature rises to the point that I am sweating head to toe, rivulets of grey dust running down my cheeks. Several times we arrive at junctions with jagged tunnels heading off in every direction. This is a real-life maze, and a deadly one if you don’t know your way around. Fortunately, Juan does.

Potosi Mine 4After descending a shaft lined with what appears to be hundred year-old lumber, Juan calls for a rest. We flatten ourselves against the side of the tunnel as two miners pass, pushing a cart full of equipment. After waiting a few moments, Juan continues his story.

“Today, there are about 12,000 people working in the mines; about 2,000 of these are children, often as young as ten years old. Most of them will die very young. Some will last ten years, a few fifteen. Eventually, if they don’t die in an accident, they will die of silicosis – respiratory problems resulting from inhaling particles of silica dust.”

I have seen the children. Struggling through the tunnels it is impossible not to notice them; they seem terribly out of place. Like the adults, they wear no masks and breathe the fine dust into their lungs. They have already begun the process of killing themselves. Most will never see their 30th birthday.

“The children work here instead of going to school because they can earn money. Sometimes 50 Bolivianos (about US$6) per day. That’s a lot of money in Bolivia, especially when you’re ten years old.”

They will pay with their lives.

Potosi Mine 2

As if by some unspoken plan we turn off our lights and just sit, listening to the silence of the mine. Hundreds of feet underground, with no light, it is the blackest black I have ever seen. Even in the darkest night there is some light. Not here.

Passing groups of dusty miners, we continue our descent. There is no machinery, no automation here. Every ounce of stone that makes it to the surface is moved by brute force in a cart or on somebody’s back. As a result, even young men look old after a short time in the mines.

Mine Cart

We have descended several levels into the mine when we reach Tío.

Tio, The DevilIn Spanish, Tío literally means uncle. But down here, Tío is the god of the underworld. The Devil. When the miners are above ground they worship God. When they are below ground, they pay homage to Tío, asking for his protection while intruding into his realm.

Life-size statues of Tío, probably thousands of them, are scattered about the mines under Cerro Rico. They are surrounded by offerings left by miners in hopes of bringing good karma. The statue we encounter is covered with party ribbons and confetti, a testament to the recently concluded celebration of Carnival. In addition there are dried alpaca fetuses, bags of coca leaves, and bottles of the 96% pure cane alcohol preferred by the miners.

According to Juan it is tradition for miners to gather near Tío at the end of the week to give offerings, ask for protection, and to drink the 96% pure alcohol – admittedly to dull the senses after a week of work.

Picking up a bottle of pure alcohol that somebody has left, Juan sprinkles a bit on the ground at Tío’s feet as an offering, then takes a swig. He passes the bottle to me.

As I swallow the burning liquid my eyes feel like they’re about to pop out of my head; I do my best to look unruffled as Juan continues.

“I’m a bit worried,” he says, looking at Tío. “In the old days people had a lot of respect for these traditions. They took them seriously. I think the young people now just use it as an excuse to drink. It’s not good.”

I ask if it’s possible that years of drinking pure alcohol could be as responsible for the early deaths of miners as breathing toxic dust.

“It’s probably a combination of the two,” he admits.

Potosi Mine 7Continuing our subterranean trek we pass through shafts so low that I am crawling on my stomach, clawing my way over what seem to be centuries-old boards, abandoned rails, and climbing near vertical shafts in dust so thick that I can’t see more than a meter in front of me. In the maze of the mine I am completely lost. Without Juan to guide me I would never reach the surface.

After a few hours my mask has become so choked with dust that I briefly pull it from my face in an effort to take a full breath. Even here underground we are over 4000m high and the air is thin. I try to pretend that the cloud of dust surrounding me is not there, and I begin to understand why the miners don’t bother with masks. At some point it’s easier to resign yourself to the inevitable than to struggle endlessly for breath.

After what seems like an eternity I feel a light breeze coming from one of the shafts. Minutes later it becomes a pinprick of light – literally the light at the end of the tunnel. I suddenly appreciate that saying like never before in my life. Emerging into sunlight I tear the mask from my face and breathe clean, cold mountain air. I am covered head to toe in toxic grey dust mixed with my own sweat.

Fresh air never felt so good.

As I stand on the slopes of Cerro Rico, I can’t help looking back at the entrance to the mine and thinking about the hundreds of men – and children – still at work in there. Unlike me, they don’t get to go in for a day, then leave forever. They live subterranean lives, performing backbreaking labor, with the almost-certain promise of early death as payback. It’s the most sobering moment of my South American travels.

I Found Jesus…

Dale with Christ Statue

COCHABAMBA, BOLIVIA – I found Jesus. It wasn’t hard to find Him since this is the tallest statue of Christ in the world. At 33 m (about 40 m if you include the pedestal) it’s just a few centimeters taller than the famous statue of Christ in Rio de Janeiro. The statue stands on a hill right in the middle of the valley, so you can see it form anywhere in the city. And if you want an even better view, you can climb up the stairs inside and look out from the top.

View from Christ Statue

Cochabamba sprawls across a very nice valley in central Bolivia, however I can’t say that I really like the city that much. It’s not that it’s a bad place, it’s just not terribly interesting.

That said, there is one thing that has kept me here a couple days longer than expected. The food. I’m not talking about anything fancy, expensive, or innovative. In fact, everthing I like can be bought from street vendors. Let me give you a couple of examples.

FruitMaybe I have just been in the mountains too long, but Cochabamba seems to have an amazing amount of fruit. My first day here I walked through the central market and discovered numerous stalls where women were making fresh fruit salads. I decided to take the plunge and ordered one from a friendly lady named Lisbeth. She instantly started cutting up fresh fruit – bananas, pineapples, oranges, strawberries, grapefruit, apples, mangos, peaches, and grapes – which she dumped into a large bowl. She topped the whole thing off with some canned peaches, fresh yogurt, jello, and freshly grated coconut. The end result was an absolutely huge bowl of fruit that I could barely finish. Total cost in U.S. dollars: about 40 cents. Lisbeth’s fruit stand has been a regular stop for me every day since.

Fruit Salad

The other food to which I became quickly addicted are rellenos. Relleno is a pretty generic Spanish word to describe a food, but it generally refers to something like a sandwich or something with a filling. RellenoIn Cochabamba rellenos consist of a layer of mashed potates surrounding a mixture of meat and vegetables – beef or chicken with onions, peppers, tomato, etc. – which is then dipped in a batter and deep fried. The closest approximation I can think of is a New York knish, but these are much better. I’m sure they are terrible for you, but that doesn’t change the fact that they taste incredible.

I’ll be moving on pretty quickly, but not until I make another pass through the market for some food!

CUSCO, PERU – My friend Marcia is an alpaca nut. She and her husband Ron even have a small alpaca farm, The Perkiomen Creek Ranch, just outside of Philadelphia. In fact, if you ever find yourself in the Philadelphia area give her a ring and I’ll bet she would love to give you a tour. She’s very proud of her animals and loves to show them off!

But I thought Marcia would like to learn a bit about alpaca life in South America. Being much more common here, alpacas don’t get the same red carpet treatment as their North American cousins. No Perrier water with a twist of lime in their troughs, no Lindt chocolates for winning blue ribbons, and no champagne and caviar on holidays. And they certainly never get to ride in the passenger seat of a minivan. (Ask Marcia…) No, for South American alpacas reality is more like this…

Yes, Marcia, it’s real. Don’t let your animals see this photo!

The number of ways you can “meet” an alpaca is limited only by your imagination. I circled my choice.

This was one of the best burgers I have ever had. I’m not kidding – it was amazing. No wonder alpacas are so expensive in North America!

CUSCO, PERU – Well, the title of this column probably gives you an idea of what I thought of Machu Picchu, the famous “Lost City of the Incas.” I wish I could say it was an amazing, magical experience, the highlight of my travels through Peru, but I can’t. Sure, I had a great time, but I could never quite shake the feeling that Machu Picchu is less about magical experiences and more about making money.I’m not suggesting it wasn’t interesting. Machu Picchu is probably the most famous symbol of the Inca Empire, and is undoubtedly the top tourist attraction in Peru. Both the Peruvian government and tourism industry heavily promote Machu Picchu in marketing campaigns around the globe, portraying it as a mystical, magical place.

But let’s be honest about it… Machu Picchu is the cash cow of the Peruvian tourism industry. It brings in millions of dollars of tourist revenue each year, and as a result everything associated with it quickly becomes overcrowded, overpriced, and sometimes underwhelming.

Llamas feel right at home at Machu Picchu.

Every year, thousands of tourists embark on a four-day walk along the “Inca Trail,” a section of ancient Inca road that runs between Cusco and Machu Picchu. I began my journey on foot, but as luck would have it I pulled a muscle the first morning of my adventure and had to return to Cusco in pain. Three days and lots of ibuprofen later I was ready to try again. At the risk of aggravating my injury I decided to take the train!

PeruRail runs a tourist train to the town of Aguas Calientes, at the base of Machu Picchu. Aguas Calientes is the classic “you’re trapped here and we know it” tourist town. Other than the train there’s no way in or out, and it’s no accident that upon exiting the train you must run the gauntlet through a crowded market full of aggressive vendors. Once past the market you discover that every restaurant in town is a pizza restaurant. I’m not kidding – EVERY restaurant in town is a pizza restaurant. Makes the decision about what to have for dinner easy, huh?

After one night in pizza-rich Aguas Calientes I was ready to escape, and I decided to bypass the tourist bus and walk to the top of the mountain. The setting is nothing short of spectacular; sheer cliffs seemingly drop away on almost every side. Below, the turbulent Urubamba River wraps around the base of the mountain like a winding snake.

I have to admit that walking among the ruins was, for the most part, uninteresting. Despite the high admission price, visitors receive nothing to help them understand what it is they’re looking at. No map, no guide, not even a brochure. If you want that type of information you must buy one of the exorbitantly priced Machu Picchu guidebooks on sale back in Aguas Calientes. As a result, every stone building looks more or less like the one next to it, often with a crowd of tourists standing around scratching their heads trying to divine its significance.

Visitors explore terracing that once supported agriculture on steep cliffs.

The highlight of my visit was ascending Huayna Picchu, the small peak which can be seen in the background of every classic Machu Picchu photo. Huayna Picchu rises 300m above Machu Picchu, providing a commanding view of the city and its surroundings. The climb gave me a true appreciation for what the Incas went through to build this place.

Walking up almost vertical stairs set into stone, one reaches the top to find terraces and buildings perched around the summit. Other sets of stairs – more steep and exposed than the ones open to tourists – are visible along the cliffs. It sinks in that not only did the Incas have a more precarious walk than modern-day visitors, but they carried all the building materials up those steps with them.

Machu Picchu is quite striking relative to other Peruvian ruins I have visited in one other respect: it is utterly clean and spotless. There is not a rock out of place or a weed to be found, and the grass is cut with almost surgical precision by gardeners using machetes. Tiger Woods would feel right at home putting around the place. I daresay that Machu Picchu probably looks better now than it did when people actually lived here.

Inca stonework is so precise that stones fit together like puzzle pieces, making mortar unnecessary.

One rather curious quirk regarding Machu Picchu is the odd use of currency. The official currency of Peru is the nuevo sol. When you are in Peru, prices for goods are in soles, just as in Britain prices are in pounds, and in Japan prices are in yen. It all makes sense, right? Except that prices for almost everything associated with Machu Picchu, from train tickets to hotel rooms, shuttle buses, and even admission to the site itself, is in U.S. dollars. At the current exchange rate of about three soles per dollar, this essentially has the effect of tripling the listed price for almost every service involved.

This isn’t a big deal if you’re from the U.S. because you’re used to thinking in terms of U.S. dollars, but for travelers from other countries it causes considerable angst. For example, imagine the frustration of a traveler from Peru who arrives at the Grand Canyon only to discover that the advertised admission price is in British Pounds. It just doesn’t make sense, yet that’s exactly what happens at Machu Picchu. Unfortunately, it’s often not clear which currency is being quoted, and I have run into more than a few travelers who were shocked to discover that a quoted price was in dollars and not soles.

Despite feeling like a walking cash machine for the Peruvian tourism industry, I had a great time at Machu Picchu. But I’ll be honest – I think to a large degree the marketing hype exceeds the experience. I also couldn’t help making comparisons to other ruins I have visited in Peru, such as Kuélap, another archeological site of similar scale to Machu Picchu that is in much earlier stages of excavation. Exploring Kuélap I felt like I was in an Indiana Jones movie – uncovering ancient ruins still choked by jungle and all but devoid of people. Machu Picchu, on the other hand, feels like industrial tourism gone berserk.

Ultimately, I discovered that many of my fellow travelers had reactions similar to mine: despite having a great experience, we were never able to escape the feeling that Machu Picchu is much more about making money than it is a magical place to visit. Call it “Machu Picchu, Incorporated.”

Lima Peru at NightLIMA, PERU  – Greetings from Lima, capitol of Peru.  I have been on the road for about five months now, and I’m starting to get emails from people saying “Hey, I thought you were only going to be gone for six months!  What’s the plan?”

Well, it seems that somewhere along the line the plan changed.  The Accidental Explorer is funny that way.  Traveling around South America has been an incredible experience, but I’ve only sampled a small piece of the pie.  I’m not sure exactly when, but at some point I made the decision that I would try to visit every country in South, Central, and North America before returning home.

Oh, yeah.  And I plan to do it all without flying.

What?!?!  Am I nuts?  Probably.  But here’s the thing – to me, flying is cheating.  You jump from point A to point B and except for a brief view out the window, you never experience the space in between.  You never meet the people, see the little villages, or experience the struggles of local travel.  I don’t want to just visit the Americas, I want to know the Americas, and I can’t do that if I hop from one point to another.

By my count, this adds up to 23 countries, and it will obviously take more than six months.  Hey, this is what accidental exploring is all about…

Tomb of Francisco Pizarro

Remains of Francisco Pizarro – Cathedral, Lima

HUANCHACO, PERU – What better way to celebrate the New Year than at the beach? After spending the better part of two months in the mountains I was ready for some warm weather, so along with my new friends Cedd and Emma from the U.K. I decided to head for the oceanfront town of Huanchaco, along Peru’s north coast, where sun, sand, and surf awaited us. (Hopefully…)

Huanchaco is famous for the tortora reed boats used by local fishermen. These boats have been employed here for generations, and if you arrive at the beach before dawn you can watch fishermen head out to sea much as they would have done hundreds of years ago. Built of tightly packed tortora reeds, the boats are flat in the rear, with a bow that tapers and bends upward. Fishermen battle through the surf with nothing more than a wide paddle made from split bamboo.

Shortly after sunrise the tortora boats begin returning to the beach, met by groups of kids in bright clothing and the occasional fish buyer. You can usually tell which boats have made a good catch by the number of kids gathered around them. Fish are sorted into reed baskets where they make a short trip up the street to the local market.

Sorting fish…

On New Year’s Eve the beach lit up with hundreds of campfires surrounded by thousands of people. We found ourselves sharing a fire with a group of young Peruvians and some tourists from Mexico. The Peruvians provided beer, the Mexicans provided rum, and we provided fireworks. A riotous combination, I assure you. By 3:00 AM I couldn’t stay awake any longer and went to bed, but was impressed that when I woke up at 8:00 AM the entire town was still in full party mode, complete with live music and dancing. Partying is never done half-heartedly in South America.

Sunset on New Year’s Eve: The party is about to begin…

A day later I rendezvoused with my friend Marielle, a Dutch woman I met when I was in the jungle for the Great Amazon River Raft Race. Marielle is volunteering at a great home for children in Iquitos, Peru called Hogar Arco Iris; she also happens to be one of my favorite people in South America. Taking a well-deserved vacation from her work, she couldn’t pass up the chance to lie on the beach en route to a holiday in the Galapagos Islands.

Not wanting to pass up nearby cultural opportunities, we visited the mud pyramid of Huaca del Luna (Temple of the Moon) and the mud-brick city of Chan Chan, the largest pre-Columbian city in South America. It’s pretty amazing what these early civilizations were able to build out of mud. Covering 20 square km, Chan Chan is so big that even today you can clearly see its outlines from aerial photos – for example, here on Google Maps. You may also notice that the Peruvian government had no qualms about building a highway right through the middle of it.

Back a the beach we had mixed luck on the weather, but managed to get enough sun one afternoon for me to get a nice sunburn. And we did luck out with a couple of really spectacular sunsets.

The last night before leaving town I surprised Marielle with a box(!) of sangria and plastic cups on the beach at sunset. I’m sure she would tell you that I “forced it on her,” but I’ll let you look at the picture below and decide for yourself!

Santa Claus Found Me

CHACHAPOYAS, PERU – I arrived in Chachapoyas on Christmas Eve, following two brutal days of travel through the boondocks of Ecuador and Peru. (Read about it here.) Exhausted beyond belief and not knowing anyone in town, I was fully prepared for a lonely Christmas highlighted by an early night’s sleep. But somehow the spirit of Christmas wasn’t going to let me off the hook that easily, and everything turned out merry and bright.

This was going to be my Christmas dinner – a Panetón purchased at the store.

As soon as I arrived in town I checked into the Hostel Revash, a family-run hostel across the street from the Plaza de Armas. An hour later as I walked through the lobby I was stopped by the owner, a genial man named Carlos.

“I noticed you arrived alone tonight. Do you have plans for Christmas eve?” he inquired.

Conceding that I didn’t, Carlos extended an invitation that I wasn’t expecting.

“I hate to see anyone spend Christmas alone. I would be honored if you would join my family for our traditional Christmas dinner tonight,” he said.

I was caught off guard; I wasn’t expecting to be invited to Christmas dinner by a total stranger. Gathering my thoughts I quickly accepted. Carlos responded with a large smile.

Shortly before midnight there was a knock on my door. Carlos, smile still on his face, led me toward the back of the building where his family lived. I found myself in large room with a table decked out in full holiday cheer, a blazing fire in the fireplace, and Carlos’s immediate and extended family there to greet me. Carlos explained that his family had owned the building for over 150 years, and it was tradition to have important gatherings in this room.

Over a steaming hot dinner of turkey, scrumptious vegetables, fresh bread, and abundant champagne, Carlos and his family made me feel like one of their own for the evening. Following dinner the entire party moved to the fireplace where Carlos had another surprise in store. Pulling out a guitar, he proceeded to play folksongs while the rest of us drank wine and did our best to sing along for the next several hours. By three or four in the morning we finally gave in and returned to our respective homes.

A blurry photo of an after-dinner toast.

It was a small gesture that Carlos made, but his unexpected hospitality really brightened my Christmas. For one evening I really felt like I had a family right here in Chachapoyas, Peru. My Mom and Dad sent me an email on Christmas Day asking if Santa Claus found me this year. Yes, he found me. Except instead of a read suit and a bag full of toys, he sported a sweater and a guitar!

Merry Christmas, everyone!

(Note: I will add photos to this post as soon as I can find a computer capable of reading the DVD they are stored on!)

CHACAPOYAS, PERU – “Are you sure you want to go that way?” asked the woman at the tourism office for the third time.

The fact that you keep asking me the same question makes me want to go that way even more, I thought to myself.

The way in question was a remote border crossing between Ecuador and Peru. There are officially three land-based border crossings between the two countries; one at Huaquillas, one at Macará, and the third at a seldom visited outpost known as La Balsa. The vast majority of travelers cross at the first two locations, largely due to the fact that they are near places that people actually want to go to. The crossing at La Balsa, however, is extremely remote and difficult to get to. Heck, the border crossing didn’t even exist until a few years ago when Ecuador and Peru ended a 60-year border dispute that resulted in more than a few instances of armed conflict.

At first the tourist office official wouldn’t even acknowledge that I could cross the border at La Balsa. Pushing her a bit harder she gave in and changed her story.

“OK, you can cross there, but I don’t recommend it. It’s very remote and takes a long time. Tourists don’t like it. Lots of things can go wrong.”

Little did she know that she was talking to the Accidental Explorer. Remote places where things can go wrong are what I’m looking for.

A few days later I embarked on my journey from the quaint town of Vilcabamba in southern Ecuador. My destination: Chachapoyas, Peru.

At 6:30 AM I flagged down a southbound bus in Vilcabamba. In typical South American style the bus didn’t actually stop, and I had to execute a flying leap through the door while wearing my pack. Once aboard I discovered that there were no open seats left. I settled in for a long, bumpy ride standing in the aisle.

Shortly after departing Vilcabamba we left paved road behind; it was the last pavement I would see for quite a while. Winding its way along steep mountain valleys the bus bounced and pitched through every pothole of the one lane dirt track, flanked on one side by a sheer wall, on the other by precipitous Andean cliffs. The horrendous conditions didn’t deter the driver from passing cars on blind corners or accelerating to alarmingly unsafe speeds. Each bump sent a shockwave up my spine and it didn’t take long to get a bus-induced headache. Six hours later we finally pulled into the remote town of Zumba, just north of the Peruvian Border.

In Zumba I transfered to a ranchero for my next hop to the border proper. A ranchero is basically a flatbed truck with rows of wooden benches and a roof mounted over the back. Designed for about 35 passengers, the driver had no qualms about loading us up with close to 60 people, including the ones hanging onto the roof. For the next two hours the ranchero bobbed and weaved over precarious, washed out roads that in places are seemingly too narrow for a compact car, let alone a flatbed truck. My prime seat along the side insured that I could look straight down into empty space, particularly when the outside tire was hanging into thin air. Two hours of this punishing ride brought us to the border town of La Balsa.

La Balsa isn’t much of a town, just a small outpost along the eastern slopes of the Andes. The migraciónes (immigration) officer there sees so few foreigners that he wasn’t even at his post when we arrived. The town’s lone police officer tracked him down, wearing a dirty white t-shirt and smoking a wilting cigarette. After giving my passport a cursory inspection he placed a completely illegible exit stamp on one page and handed it back to me, gooey ink dripping from the paper. I walked across the bridge to Peru and repeated the process on the other side.

The trip was just starting to get interesting…

On the Peruvian side of the border transportation was limited to colectivos, Toyota Corolla station wagons that essentially function as shared taxis. The driver of my colectivo was Mario. His name was appropriate because he drove like Mario Andretti – really fast. Before leaving, Mario crammed nine people and all of our luggage into his car. (For those of you who believe it is impossible to fit nine adults plus luggage into a Toyota Corolla station wagon, I suggest that you expand the limits of your imagination.)

Mario put pedal to the metal and we spun tires before careening down a dirt track that made the crater-strewn roads of Ecuador look like a superhighway. Mario’s odometer read over 300,000km, though since it ws no longer functional there’s no telling how overdue he was for a tune-up. At one point we blasted through a village without slowing, livestock fleeing in every direction. Mario ran down a large chicken (apparently it really was trying to cross the road…) but didn’t even bother looking in his rearview mirror to see the carnage. Not that he could, given that there were no mirrors remaining in his car. Three harrowing hours later we screamed into the lonesome town of San Ignazio, tires smoking, where I checked into the only hostel I could find. Sweeping the cockroaches off the bed with my arm I settled in for a depressingly short sleep.

At 5:00 AM I boarded a combi, a Toyota minivan that doubles as a bus in rural Peru. Before leaving San Ignazio 21 people had joined me for the ride to Jaen. College kids trying to stuff themselves into Volkswagen Beetles have nothing on the Peruvians. (Lest you be impressed at 21 people in a Toyota minivan, I should point out that my record is 25.) For three hours we pounded over barely recognizable roads, my face pressed against a glass window.

At Jaen I took a three-wheeled moto-taxi across town where I caught another colectivo for the trip to Bagua Grande. I was pleasantly surprised to find only seven people along for the ride. Sometime between Jaen and Bagua Grande we hit paved road for the first time in as long as I could remember.

After a relatively short 90-minute ride we arrived in Bagua Grande where I took yet another moto-taxi tricycle across town and jumped in yet another combi for the trek to Pedro Ruiz. At least we finally had paved road, making the 90-minute trip tolerable for the 22 people on board.

In Pedro Ruiz I made my last transfer of the day to another colectivo. It felt relatively roomy with only six people stuffed inside the metal box. The rear doors had no windows, which turned out to be a blessing in disguise as everyone but me smoked like volcanos. My driver, the aptly named Jesus, stopped midway to refuel. As gasoline pumped into the tank I noticed that everyone was still smoking. My fellow passengers were smoking. Jesus was outside smoking at the gas pump. The man from the filling station was smoking as he pumped gas. Having sudden visions of a large mushroom cloud, I rapidly developed a “cramp” in my leg and exited the car to stretch. About 50 meters away. Somehow Jesus managed to fuel the car without blowing up northern Peru, and three hours later we finally arrived at my destination: Chachapoyas.

Trip Statistics:

Hours in transit: 20.5
Total vehicles: 9
Vehicle types; 5
Ibuprofen (Advil) consumed: 2000mg
Cockroaches in hostel: at least 100
Run-over livestock: 2 chickens
Near-death experiences: countless

Flowers of Ecuador

VILCABAMBA, ECUADOR – Ecuador is a treasure chest of plant life and has one of the most diverse ecosystems of any country in the world.  In particular, the flowers here never cease to amaze me.  I’m not a botanist and have absolutely no idea what most of these flowers are, so I’m going to challenge some of you back home.  If you’re a floral expert (Marcia…) and think you know the names of any of these flowers, please post a comment and tell me!  Enjoy.

(Note:  you can click a picture to see a slightly larger version.)

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Fiestas de Quito

QUITO, ECUADOR ─ This holiday wouldn’t even be legal in the United States.

I’m talking about Fiestas de Quito, a city-wide festival to celebrate the founding of Quito by the Spanish on December 6, 1534. The official holiday falls on the 6th, but Fiestas de Quito kicks off on November 30, beginning a week-long period of partying. And I do mean partying. Streets are crowded until all hours of the night, bars practically flinging their doors open to the crowds, and brass bands cruise the city playing the same song over and over again. There are dozens of live concerts, a beauty pageant, various competitions, and bullfights featuring the best matadors from Ecuador and around the world.One of the most popular traditions during Fiestas de Quito is to ride around the city for hours on open-air buses called chivas. The basic idea is to cram as many people as possible onto a chiva, toss in a brass band, a liberal supply of liquor, noisemakers, flags, and ─ if it interests you ─ fireworks. The band typicially goes on the roof, and passengers ride wherever they can find space ─ on the roof, the back, hanging off the side… you get the idea. The chiva proceeds to cruise all over Quito amidst throngs of celebrations as passengers drink, make noise, wave flags, and shoot roman candles at whatever (and whoever) they feel like.

The first night of Fiestas de Quito I joined about 40 of my closest friends from the South American Explorer’s Club for our very own chiva party. Being first-time chiva partiers we weren’t completely versed in chiva party etiquette, and as a result nobody thought to bring roman candles to randomly fire into crowds, though we managed to get all the other paraphernalia in place. Our bus arrived, complete with brass band on roof, and like crazy college kids we piled on and began partying.


Our chiva cruised in the direction of Old Town Quito, with its colonial vibe and large plazas. Upon reaching the Old Town we slowed to a crawl in places as our driver negotiated the road covered by thousands of party-goers. Vendors sold food and drinks as we passed by, kids with squirt guns would occasionally open fire, and balls of fire shot from roman candles passed over our heads. The brass band never missed a beat and the party aboard the bus never broke stride.

The week of partying is capped off by a giant nighttime parade down one of Quito’s main avenues. Imagine a parade on the scale of the Rose Parade, combined with the party atmosphere of Mardi Gras, along with a hefty dose of fireworks being ignited by people in the crowd. Grand floats pass by one after another, indigenous people dress in traditional outfits and dance, and beauty queens pass by waving to the crowd. Unlike parades in the U.S., however, where spectators obediently observe a barrier separating them from the parade, spectators in Quito surge into the street between almost every float, only to surge back the other direction as the next one threatens to run them down. It’s a different way of doing things. It’s the Ecuadorian way!

IQUITOS, PERU – Over the past few weeks I have gotten to know quite a few people here in Iquitos, including a number of the street kids. Many visitors consider them to be pests, nuisances, troublemakers, or even criminals, but the reality is that most of these kids were born into unfortunate circumstances. Many are trying to make money to support their families, usually by selling items such as t-shirts, jewelry, or handicrafts.

I thought I would introduce you to a few of these kids to put a human face on things.

Meet Antony. He’s eight years old and spends his days making the rounds between tourist restaurants and bars along the waterfront. Antony sells handicrafts that he makes at home with his mother and siblings, including woven bracelets, necklaces, and earrings. Sometimes he sells t-shirts. Like any good salesman he knows how to turn on the charm, and when he approaches you it’s almost impossible to turn him away. Before you know it Antony has become your fashion consultant and is finding an item to match your taste. At about $1-2 per item he’s able to make a number of sales, but at the end of the day it’s not much. Antony doesn’t attend school regularly but hopes to join the army when he gets older.

Jackson is 13 years old. Most days it’s not hard to find him around the Plaza de Armas or along the river walk selling t-shirts. Unlike a lot of the street kids here, Jackson is still in school, though working keeps him from attending full-time. Once a week he returns home to the town of Nauta, a two hour ride away, to attend school for a couple of days, after which he returns to the streets of Iquitos. He says he wants to graduate if possible and even wants to learn English, though given his educational opportunities the prospects don’t seem great. Jackson aspires to be a police officer and hopes to one day join the ranks of the Policía Nacional.

And there’s Willy. At ten years old he no longer attends school in order to sell t-shirts full time. Willy is a very persistent and energetic salesman; if he were born in the U.S. he would probably be a millionaire by age 21, but unfortunately for him he wasn’t. His family lives in Nauta, but Willy lives with the owner of the company that makes the shirts he sells. Each shirt costs 20 soles (about $7), and for every shirt he sells Willy gets to keep 1 sol (about 30 cents). He only sells a handful of shirts each day, but his income provides essential support for his mother and siblings back in Nauta. For this Willy has given up his education.

These street kids always refer to one another with reference to their “profession.” You will hear things like “Carlos is a lustrino (shoeshine boy),” or “Jorge is a vendedor de camisetas (shirt salesman).” These kids are too young to have professions, but they do.

The biggest thing these kids have going against them is luck of the draw on birthplace. Had they been born somewhere like Seattle, Toronto, or Paris their lives would no doubt be quite different. And it’s a sobering thought to realize that the single most important factor which allows me to be an international traveler instead of street kid is that I was lucky enough to be born in the U.S.

(Note: photo of Willy courtesy of The Iquitos Times.)

(To read Part I of this article click here)

Day two. I wake up early with the idea that I can make a few improvements to our raft, but quickly realize that it’s a hopeless cause; we simply have a crappy raft. I discover that a few of the Peruvian teams are dropping out of the race. No longer in contention to win prize money after the first day they are throwing in the towel to return to their villages. With a sudden stroke of genius I take the quintessential American approach to solving our problem – I buy a better raft.

It turns out I’m not the only foreigner with this idea, and other teams are trying to do the same thing. For a brief period this remote bank of the river becomes the Amazon version of a used car lot, buyers and sellers haggling over prices and options. Fifteen minutes later I am the proud owner of a new raft and a primo set of paddles. Price? Raft: $3. Paddles: $5. Not having to use our old raft again: priceless.

Pushing off from shore we instantly feel the difference our new balsa makes. It’s stable, travels straight, and feels like a sports car. We finally have our Ferrari.

“Now all we need is an engine,” Montana John muses.

For ten hours we paddle. Banana trees along shore tempt us throughout the day. We watch monkeys move through the trees and brightly colored birds flitting about the jungle. Entire villages turn out to wave at the crazy people on the log raft floating down the river. Occasionally we even discover a tarantula that has taken up residence aboard our balsa.

Mid-morning we meet a man fishing from a canoe. He shows us a basket of piranha, confirming our suspicion that they lurk below us, ready to strip flesh to the bone in mere seconds.

The most Amazing thing about the Amazon is how big and remote it is. You can read about it or see photos, but you simply can’t appreciate how vast and isolated it is without traveling it. To put it in perspective, the Amazon has more water flowing through it than the next six largest rivers in the world combined, and is responsible for a fifth of all the fresh water entering the world’s oceans. It has multiple tributaries larger than the Mississippi, and during the high water season can flood to over 100 miles wide in places. In short, this is one big river.

Throughout most of our journey we see no signs of human existence. Not even another boat. On either side of the river is thick jungle, full of wildlife that has never seen a human being. You could enter that jungle and walk for hundreds of miles without encountering a road. It is the definition of the middle of nowhere.

Food and water supplies run low, and hunger and thirst begin to set in along with exhaustion and fatigue. Norma spies a peki-peki, a motorized river canoe, passing in the other direction and waves it down. An old woman riding in front grins and waves back; the old man at the helm of the sputtering engine turns in our direction. The peki-peki is so overloaded with fruit that I’m amazed it even floats.

“¿Cuanto cuestan las piñas?” asks Norma. How much do the pineapples cost?

Moments later the old man, whose rough life in the jungle clearly shows on his weathered skin, is passing pineapples across the water to us as we pass coins back the other direction.

The media hard at work aboard the Dawn on the Amazon.

For the next hour we eat pineapples while watching a storm move across the horizon like a wall of black. Realizing too late that it’s on a collision course with us I glance towards shore, knowing right away that we can’t make it in time. Minutes later the storm wraps itself around us and we lose sight of everything else on the planet; for all practical purposes we may as well be in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean. Winds howl and water turns to whitecaps. Lightning surrounds us on all sides and we are tossed about like a bathtub toy. Anything not tied down is lost.

I am simultaneously terrified and exhilarated. Here we are in the middle of the Amazon River on a log raft, in a lightning storm, completely isolated from the world, with only wooden paddles and our own muscles to move us. How many people will ever experience this and know what it is like? I have never felt so alive.

The storm passes and with our remaining strength we paddle the last few miles to the riverside town of Tamshiyacu, arriving just as the sun is setting. It feels like a veritable metropolis after the isolation of the jungle.


Dragging my battered body up the hill and into town I discover a festive atmosphere.

“¿Vengas a la fiesta?” a young man asks me as I cross the central plaza. Are you coming to the party?

His name is Cesar. As he talks his friends share fresh pan de yuca, a soft bread made from the starchy root of the manioc plant, with me. It’s delicious. Cesar explains that today is the anniversary of the founding of Tamshiyacu. Tonight there will be a party so loud it will rattle your teeth. I promise to come.

The Over the Hill Gang taking a “multiple-beer tow” behind the Dawn on the Amazon.

Later, aboard the Miron II, Mick announces the race standings for the first time. I am completely floored to discover that among the international teams we are in first place. Despite finishing dead last on the second day, our combined time has put us into the lead by 49 minutes, ahead of the Lady Vets and the Rasta Boys, but still hours behind even the slowest Peruvian teams. With a bit of extra spring in my step I head back into town as I hear the music start.

It doesn’t take long before my buddy Cesar spots me, and the next thing I know I’m drinking beer in the town plaza and listening to music that can probably be heard hundreds of miles away in Lima. Beer eventually gives way to aguardiente, and in due course I walk, stumble, and crawl my way back to the Miron II. The music is so loud that every thump of the bass creates tiny ripples on the glassy surface of the river.

My teeth are indeed rattling, though I’m not sure if it’s from the noise or the aguardiente.

Day three. There is a mad rush to leave early. Crack-of-dawn early. Mick has decided that each team can leave today whenever it’s ready. Wanting to take advantage of the cool morning air and calm water, rafts begin leaving shore at 6:30 AM.

We are not one of them.

Montana John is missing, and nobody seems to know where he is. I sit on the edge of our raft munching soda crackers to ease my queasy stomach, teeth still numb from the previous night. Norma is peeling a papaya she picked up along the river somewhere. Mirta just sits quietly; she is her usual staid self. It occurs to me that in two days on the river I have never seen Mirta eat or drink anything. She’s superhuman.

At 7:15 Montana John materializes, having spent the night at a hostel in town, unable to pass up the prospect of a bed and a shower. We wave him over, but he shakes his head and points at the Dawn on the Amazon, a luxury riverboat that has been following the race.

“Where are you going?” I yell, giving myself a headache in the process.

“To eat breakfast,” he replies nonchalantly as he disappears up the gangplank.

Lying across our raft I stare up at the clear blue sky. It’s the only thing that doesn’t spin when I look at it. As I slowly chew the last of my crackers, John is putting away bacon, eggs, toast, fruit salad, and coffee. Hell, for all I know he’s probably washing it down with a couple of mimosas.

At 7:45 he reappears, looking significantly more nourished than the rest of us, and we push off.

We are the last team to leave.

Two days on the river have not been fruitless. We have learned to read the current and predict where it will be fastest. It’s like free energy. It takes only ninety minutes to overtake the Over the Hill Gang, still guarding the cooler strapped to their raft.

A couple of hours later we spy more teams, mere pinpricks of color, miles away on the opposite shore of the river. We’ve placed our bet on a different channel, and through cunning observation – or more likely dumb luck – we are in the faster one. One by one we slide past them until only the Rasta Boys are ahead of us. Excited by the prospect of starting last and finishing first we motor past them and never look back.

The Rasta Boys dining on ripe jungle melon.

We reach the outskirts of Iquitos, drooling in anticipation of the finish line, our hands raw from the rough wood of the paddles. It occurs to me that Mick never bothered to tell anyone exactly where the race is supposed to end, and I am briefly struck by the horror that we might have gone too far without noticing. My fears are allayed when a boat directs us into a side channel and we see the Miron II a scant quarter-mile away.

Suddenly, we are confronted by the cruelest twist of the entire race: the side channel we are entering is not, in fact, a side channel, but a tributary of the Amazon called the Rí­o Nanay. The last quarter-mile of the race is upriver, against a current.

Driving our paddles into the water we push forward with every ounce of remaining strength. Minutes of work result in mere inches of movement. Conversation is reduced to grunts and profanity in two languages. Translation is unnecessary.

After what seems like hours the Miron II is so close we can almost reach out and touch it. Standing on the stern, beer in one hand and cigarette in the other, Mick has a giant shit-eating grin on his face as he watches every painful stroke. Spectators lining the shore cheer madly as we struggle to keep going.

Our balsa finally touches shore. Half walking, half crawling, I make it onto dry land and immediately stub my toe, grimacing as I stifle a scream. Examining my quickly bruising appendage I discover that it’s broken. Someone hands me a bottle of Iquiteña beer, which I down with alarming efficiency.

As the remaining rafts struggle against the current we wait along the riverbank with new friends from the last few days. There are no longer teams, just fellow racers who have stuck it out long enough to finish, the distinction between international visitors and local residents having mostly disappeared over 142 miles of Amazon River. Now there is just a sea of people from all over the world, drinking cold beer, sharing stories, slapping backs, and exchanging email addresses. Yes, even Amazon River villages have the Internet.


Gathering for the awards ceremony Mick presents the first place prize to “The Invincibles,” a team from the nearby river village of Padre Cocha. Their time of just over thirteen hours blows us away by almost twelve hours. I’m more than a little bit embarrassed when my team is called up to accept the first place trophy for the international division. It’s like icing on the cake; winning was never really the point for us. Like summitting a high peak, just finishing is a victory.

Ceremony complete, beer consumed, we say our goodbyes. Everyone asks if I will be back for the race again next year. I nod my head and feign surprise that they need even ask. I don’t bother mentioning my secret fantasy is that ESPN will decide to cover the event next year and, as former champion, hire me as color commentator.

My improbable team has one last high-five before going our separate ways. Mirta disappears into the crowd as enigmatically as she appeared three days earlier. In a few days Norma will return to Lima. And Montana John? Well, the next time I see him it’s in a smoky hut deep in the jungle with a shaman performing the ancient ayahuasca ceremony. But that’s a story for a different time.

Our prize for winning the race is a three-day trip to the Amazon Rainforest Lodge. My teammates, all having spent enough time on the Amazon to satisfy their needs, elect not to go, but my new buddies the Rasta Boys are more than happy to stand in for them. Together we head off into the dark, foreboding jungle, where we finally get to meet many of the wild creatures that have haunted our thoughts in recent days.


(Note: Some of the race images in this article are courtesy of Bill Grimes/Dawn on the Amazon Tours and Cruises)

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